25: Learning to Look Up Again

Today I looked at the clouds.

It was a beautiful day.

The sky was clear, and the clouds were moving slowly. Some were large. Some were thin. Some changed shape almost without my noticing.

For a moment, I remembered childhood.

When I was young, I used to watch clouds.

I did not need a reason.

I simply looked.

I watched them move.

I wondered where they were going.

I noticed how their shapes changed.

There was no purpose.

Only curiosity.

⸻

Then life became busy.

For many years, my eyes were directed downward.

Phone.

Computer.

Documents.

Books.

Screens.

Tasks.

My mind was also directed downward.

The next responsibility.

The next problem.

The next goal.

The next pressure.

I was moving through life with focus and discipline, but I was rarely looking up.

The sky was always there.

But my attention was not.

⸻

Recently, something has changed.

As my life has become quieter internally, I find myself noticing things I had missed for years.

Sunrise.

Birds.

Trees.

Weather.

Clouds.

These things were never absent.

I simply could not receive them.

My mind was too occupied.

⸻

Watching the clouds, I felt something peaceful.

Clouds do not control their own shape.

They change.

They stretch.

They gather.

They disappear.

They return in another form.

They do not seem to know exactly where they are going.

Yet they are not lost.

They are carried by something larger.

Wind.

Atmosphere.

Weather.

Creation.

To me, this feels like God’s quiet control.

⸻

My life has also changed shape many times.

Student.

Surgeon.

Scientist.

Immigrant.

Father.

Athlete.

Mentor.

Writer.

At each stage, I thought I needed to understand where I was going.

I tried to plan.

I tried to control.

I tried to hold a specific shape.

But life kept moving.

Some shapes disappeared.

New ones formed.

⸻

When I was younger, this uncertainty felt threatening.

Now it feels different.

I do not need to know the exact next shape of my life.

I only need to trust that I am still being carried.

⸻

Clouds do not know their next shape,

but they are still held by the sky.

⸻

Perhaps this is true for us as well.

Our roles change.

Our speed changes.

Our direction changes.

What once felt solid becomes light.

What once seemed essential dissolves.

But that does not mean we are lost.

⸻

I spent many years trying to control the direction of my life.

Now I am learning to trust the wind that carries it.

⸻

And maybe part of growing older is simply this:

learning to look up again,

and seeing that what carried us was there all along.